


I Will Not Be Thy Wall

by FictionalFeather



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Iambic Pentameter, Inspired by Poetry, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 17:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2032941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionalFeather/pseuds/FictionalFeather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Am I the one, Eren, who’s watched you grow?<br/>Who’s seen your anger roil and burn and seethe?<br/>Your eyes hold too much pain for someone young<br/>as you, and I know pain intimately.</p><p> </p><p>--A Tennyson inspired poem about Levi--</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Not Be Thy Wall

**Author's Note:**

> When reading some of Tennyson’s works, the poem Tithonus struck me as being quite beautiful. And ever since dragongem told me I had a good grasp on Levi’s voice, I’ve been wanting to try something a little more introspective. Apparently, that calls for iambic pentameter.
> 
> A few lines are lifted almost directly from Tennyson. Forgive me, they fit too well.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at fictionalfeather, check out the 'birdy writes' tag.

The walls decay, the walls decay and fall,  
the ashes of the rubble covering  
remains of bodies robbed of livelihood.  
Alone I stand untouched, despairing for  
the ones I have outlived, though not by choice.  
The morning light is torture on my eyes  
for lack of more deserving men, all dead.  
Here at the quiet limit of the world,  
The shadows lengthen til the silence reigns.  
What solace is a blade for loneliness?

A curse I’ve worn for all my soldier days,  
a curse I feed with every flash of steel.  
The Strongest of the Humans I am called,  
for I am one who cannot ever fail.  
I asked not for protection, but he gave  
it anyway, the only price from me  
my family, my friends, my freedom, all.  
He captured me with threats, imprisoned me  
with words and wings and life I’d never had.  
Now this is where I stand, alone among  
the broken bodies still able to breathe.  
The years have used me. Beaten, tortured me.  
Alone I watch all those I know give in  
to fate, to death, to titan hands and teeth.  
Am I a fool to think the love of one  
could ever truly matter in the end?  
I am a fool for wanting love so much,  
when all I know of love is drowned in blood.  
In violence, bloodshed, blades, and shouted words.  
What good can love, Eren, do for me now?  
What comforts can you offer to me now?

Just leave me be, take back thy gift of love.  
I don’t deserve to want such things for me,  
or else I should desire beyond my place.  
My past is nothing I can leave behind;  
my present taints all those I come to find  
myself attached to. You are not exempt.  
You look to me, admire me, you long  
for me, but I could break you instantly.  
The wildness of your eyes may tempt me but  
no, you are my responsibility.  
I will not harm you if I have a choice.

This is the answer I will have to give  
if ever you should speak of what you feel.  
And you may cry. If so, I understand.

Your tears are always plentiful. You feel  
so much; I fear I do not feel enough.  
Enough for us is more than I can give.  
So please, I beg you, do not fall for me.

Am I the one, Eren, who’s watched you grow?  
Who’s seen your anger roil and burn and seethe?  
Your eyes hold too much pain for someone young  
as you, and I know pain intimately.  
I see myself in you, it terrifies  
my heart, that part I thought I’d shut off long  
before your light appeared in front of me.  
These eyes of mine you see are not the ones  
that watched my comrades die while screaming names  
of those they loved; these eyes are yours alone,  
created when you brought something to life  
inside me. Long I’ve walked my road alone,  
and never had I thought I’d fine someone  
like you. You make me want to feel so much.

Do not put me upon a pedestal.  
Already I am held to standards both  
my own and not. I could not bear it if  
you built me up to only break yourself.  
How could we ever be together when  
your fiery soul could not survive with one  
so cold as mine? You need to grow, to thrive -  
I cannot offer, Eren, what you need.  
I am alone; it’s best I stay as such  
for both of us. If I gave in to what  
I want so much, then death would the more  
my enemy. I could not bear to watch  
you die, so please just leave my heart alone.


End file.
